You may have seen in the minimalist worlds and parenting blogs this new concept of a fiver birthday party.
The idea is you ask parents to bring a five dollar bill, instead of a gift, as the child’s birthday present, hence the term “fiver” birthday party.
You are to get your kid all excited to buy something big with the money they receive, rather than receive possible unwanted gifts or more clutter. The concept is also touted as easier on the giving parents, as it is a much more affordable gift, and it is way easy.
We live in a pretty rural mountain town. The closest Wal-Mart or Target is at least 45 minutes away, and the UPS lady is our friend. (Seriously, I am overjoyed when I see her coming down our driveway with my 2-day awaited products!)
The “fiver” birthday party idea seemed like the rural birthday partygoers’ dream idea!
What happened?
Now, I am sure the epic fiver birthday party fail had to do with my execution, but here is what happened:
I find myself well-versed in telling people about our simple living lifestyle. I have spoken to many a family member about not sending as many gifts, and it is a conversation I have become very comfortable with over the years.
Side note: I HATE giving gift cards. I despise them. I want to give a gift with thought. I will give a Groupon, or something similar, for a well thought out experience, but that is as far as my gift card giving ways take me.
I saw me asking for “five dollar bills” for my daughter’s birthday like asking for a gift card or payment for entry to the party. Enter my first problem.
Here are my epic fails with the “fiver” birthday party:
I – I had poor execution of the fiver birthday party concept.
I had no idea how to word an invitation to a fiver birthday party.
I experimented on an email invite with parent friends. It was weird.
My wording for the fiver birthday party was as follows:
“We are hosting my daughter’s 6th birthday party on Saturday. She would love to have your daughter join us in the celebration. We will be providing lunch. (No gifts necessary. If you insist, then we thought of doing a “fiver” birthday party where the gift is just a $5 bill. It’s the new hot thing in Australia and saves time and money for the parents!)”
It felt like I was saying, “hey, bring my kid money” rather than “hey, this is a cool new idea that might save you money and allow my kid to buy just one big gift instead of junk”. OK, even that sounds bad.
There are suggestions on how to word the fiver party invite if you still want to try it, but please, check out my other reasons for a failed fiver birthday party, so you are fully prepared.
Related post: Minimalist gifts for everyone on your list.
2 – I broke a child’s heart.
So, after the very uncomfortable email to friends and their daughters, we sent regular invites out to the class.
When parents asked me via text what they could bring as a gift, my response was something like, “No gifts are necessary. We are happy to celebrate. However, if you want to bring a gift, she is into X, Y, and Z. She is also saving money to buy up a larger Barbie set, so if easier, $5 towards that would be loved and no other gifts needed.”
At the party, one child brought a card with $10, honoring the “fiver” birthday party concept. The other kids, they brought presents, beautifully wrapped, fun looking presents.
The child who brought the card and money looked up at me and said while staring at the gifts table, “Ms. Brooke, I didn’t bring a present as you asked. We brought a card with money.”
I hugged her and assured her my daughter would be over the moon with her gift and whispered in her ear what she was saving up for. It brought a smile to the girl’s face, but I could tell she would rather have contributed a gift.
3 – Toys are a child’s love language
Maybe a “fiver” birthday party works great with older kids.
With young children (this was a birthday party for my six-year-old), toys are their love language. That’s how they share their joy with each other. That’s why they want to buy cheap plastic junk and then give it to a friend. It is something they understand.
My daughter was prepped for a “fiver” birthday party. She was excited to get money to put towards her “big toy”. However, once the party started, she was excited about the toys in front of her.
Those kids squeezed in as tight as possible around the table where the gifts were set. Even though they were not the ones receiving the toys, they were equally excited to GIVE the toys. These were toys they picked out. These were toys they were excited to share with their friends, and I was trying to rob them of that to make it easier on myself and their parents.
Related post: Teaching Minimalism to Children (9 Helpful Tips)
My lessons learned for minimalism:
Let your kids receive gifts on their birthdays or other holidays from their friends, and allow them to do it with an open heart and without fear of clutter. Let other kids introduce your child to toys you will likely never buy your child, like a LOL spy doll. (Side note, we needed the internet to help us figure out how to open the LOL spy doll set.) Allow your child to remember the joys of opening presents on their birthday.
You may cringe at the clutter, but your heart will be warm with joy watching their eyes light up with excitement. The biggest lesson I learned from our fiver birthday party epic fail was to let kids be kids, giving and receiving with open hearts.
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That is such a beautiful way to put it, about that’s how they share their joy. We did a fiver birthday party last year and it was kind of awkward and since no one else does it my then 4 year old didn’t understand why he can’t have a party like all of his other friends. I think I am going to skip the fiver birthday this year, but I am still going to talk about in the invite that we would love more play dates with friends of things like that.
I LOVE the idea of time with friends, like a special playdate.
That was our last fiver party. It’s been a few years, and we’ve entered the tween years. Even so, at their last party, all the little girls gathered around the table and watched excitedly as the birthday girl opened gifts.
As they get older, homemade gifts have become our new thing. One friend brings a written “book” each year as a gift. Another friend is very talented in clay, and she makes personalized figurines for her friends. The thought they put into their gifts is precious and well-appreciated.
An idea could have been that the fiver must be wrapped in the most unusual way. Like inside a surprise egg for example as giving money in an envelope is boring for both children. Making it more fun and a bit of a task to either find the money and opening a strange shaped gift would have been better. Times are tough and fiver parties are a great idea. My child has soooo many toys he doesn’t need for anything else. And he would love to open a surprise egg, find a fiver and perhaps a small chocolate or cheapo toy. Great idea.
I do love the idea of anything homemade to make birthdays more fun. We haven’t revisted fiver parties, but our little friend group lives homemade gifts, and they are the absolute BEST.
IMO, Fiver parties are better for family parties or when they are babies. Or if you raised your kids that presence is valued more than presents. We won’t be doing present opening at birthday parties so we can focus on the people not the things. But it can definitely be hard if you’re the only one of all the friends that does things differently and is trying to start something new.
Full disclosure: My kids are ALWAYS disappointed when they give a gift and it’s not opened at the party by the recipient. They feel like they put a ton of thought into the gifts, and they are giddy with excitement in watching their friends open them. I guess if the whole friend group is on board with no gifts, then yes, it would be way easier. I haven’t found those people yet. LOL I’ve finally just accepted birthdays are when they get things. We don’t buy them toys for the rest of the year, so this is their time to receive.
It sounds like you didn’t fully commit to the idea from the get go and then gave confusing instructions to the parents in regards to gifts. Is it no gifts, gifts, or money? I’ve been the parent that’s followed the “Please, no gifts” guidance and then felt uncomfortable showing up empty handed when others brought gifts. I fully understand that there are societal expectations of gifts for birthdays and that gift giving is some people’s love language but I always try to respect what the parent says. Which then circles back to the fact that you gave three different gift options when asked and that might be confusing.
Oh I admit my wording was terrible. That’s why I linked out to others who seemed to nail it. Even so, the idea just didn’t go over well in our little community of friends. I really wanted to like the concept.
We don’t open gifts in front of others on purpose at birthday parties so the kids arent expected to have specific reactions. Bc of this we are doing fiver parties this year bc our littles are already accustomed to playing at their parties and doing gifts at home. 🥰
Genuinely curious, when they don’t open the gifts at the party, do they write “thank you” cards? I ask this because my kids are always disappointed when a child doesn’t open the gift they so carefully picked out for their friend. They hate leaving a party wondering if they liked the gift and can’t wait to talk about it with their friend. It’s why they always huddle around during gift opening. They are silly excited. I wonder how parents handle this or if it’s just my kids that really love (and miss) the gift-giving part.
This post really resonated with me! The fiver birthday party idea sounded great in theory, but it’s true—kids love the excitement of giving and receiving toys. It’s a tough balance between minimalism and letting kids experience the joy of presents. I appreciate the honesty and lessons learned!
I’ve done 5er parties for the last 2 years. Some people still brought gifts but most made her cards or other handmade items (necklace, drawing etc). I don’t open presents at the party and I think that makes a big difference. I’ve never liked opening presents in front of all the children as there can be a wide range I never want someone to feel embarrassed by their gift. She also invites over 20 kids and I do not want that many toys coming into the house. My daughter wanted a $150 Lego set, I even included a description of the item on the invitation. I think this helps parents buy into the idea. Most gave $10 vs the $5 which is still a steal. Who can buy a gift worth wrapping for under $10 anymore?