Here we are heading toward the tail end of 2020.
Back in March, when we got the notice that school was closing for the rest of the year, I remember thinking, “Okay, well, we’ll get through the last of my daughter’s 2nd grade year, and then in the summer things will be better.”
Then, when summer camps announced they were moving programming online and churches stayed virtual and social distancing remained essential, I remember thinking, “Okay, well, we’ll get through this summer and then in the fall things will be better.”
Then, mid-summer, our school district announced we’d be doing distance learning, along with a few days of in-person school per week and a mask mandate went into effect.
Then, just a few weeks ago, we went back to 100% distance learning. Things just aren’t getting better in the ways that I want them to be getting better.
Clearly, things aren’t going “back to normal” (whatever that meant for you pre-pandemic) anytime soon.
So where does that leave us?
Where we are is not an easy place to be – no one I know is fully equipped to navigate the state of the world. So many are struggling just to get through each day.
Stress is high and coming from all directions.
Parents, from those who work outside jobs to those who were already staying at home with young kids, are struggling to do all the things.
What if you’re a parent who’s also a teacher? Overwhelm city.
As a working mom myself, I feel stretched thin trying to facilitate distance learning days while also maintaining an acceptable work performance and sanity as a parent.
Some days it feels like I’m failing at everything.
There’s hope for surviving pandemic parenting
As the saying goes, “We can do hard things.”
Hard things are made more palatable when we bring some tiny intentional actions to the days.
Here’s a list of twelve intentional actions that are immediately accessible. Give them a go – you might just be surprised what helps.
When I practice them, I feel better. The hard thing may not be better, but at that moment, I am.
Pandemic Parenting: 12 Tiny Coping Strategies
1. Take 3 deep breaths
Returning to your breathing, that thing that’s always with you, is immediately grounding and reorients you to the present moment (instead of lamenting the past or worrying about what’s next).
2. Look all the way up
When the ground feels shaky under your feet, bring your gaze to the sky – remembering there’s a vast world out there of which you are a part can help keep things in perspective.
3. Step outside or open a window
Interacting with nature and getting some fresh air is a mood booster and has positive impacts on mental health, even if it’s just for five minutes at a time.
4. Call a friend
Living through a pandemic can be isolating – even when you crave solitude after months of being at home with just your family.
It can take energy to reach out when you are feeling low or overwhelmed by caring for children. But we were made to exist in community. It can take energy to make the call, but that energy is usually returned in kind.
5. Read something you love
Books are a great way to travel when your vacation is cancelled, or when you need a break from thinking about the next issue on the list.
Plus, you get to choose your pace and when to step back into real life. Even a few pages before dropping off to sleep or while waiting to pick kids up can make a difference.
6. Drink a glass of water
Especially when caring for young children, it’s tempting to let your own needs slip to the bottom of the list. Especially for moms.
Taking care of yourself is often easier said than done, but hydrating properly is a gateway to practicing self-care more often.
7. Roll your shoulders back and down
Tension and stress often lead to rounded shoulders as you protect yourself or try to manage fatigue – take a moment each day to straighten that spine- it’s like a mini rejuvenation session.
8. Write a letter to someone you care about
When you aren’t able to visit as much as you’d like, pick up a pen and paper.
If your kiddos are old enough, invite them to write or decorate their own. Sending a real letter to a loved one is a tangible way to extend love when you can’t give a hug.
9. Sing
The kids will love it, and you just might too. Lift up your voice – talent not required.
10. Appreciate something
Practicing gratitude isn’t easy when you feel like everything is falling apart – but that’s often when it’s the most powerful tool at your disposal.
11. Notice the air on your skin
Tune in to your physical body and notice how it feels, without judgement. What does it need?
12. Put your device down
Stop “doomscrolling”, or comparing your parenting strategy to others’, or zoning out to the attention economy gods.
Unplug regularly, ideally at least an hour before you go to bed. (Get an old school alarm clock if necessary – they still exist!)
What tiny things help you cope right now?
Heidi Barr is a Minnesota based writer and wellness coach. 12 Tiny Things: Simple Ways to Live a More Intentional Life, co-authored with Ellie Roscher, is forthcoming from Broadleaf Books on January 5, 2021. Pre-order your copy today.
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Its really hard having two kids at home full time. And with 100 % distance learning moms have to become teachers too along with everything else. Maid, cook, cleaner, teacher, discipliner, laundress, referee, playmate, entertainer all rolled into one. Its so hard to cope sometimes.
Will try the deep breathing when I am about to lose it.
I would like to add one more point a little bit of gardening helps to calm me down. It doesn’t have to be a full fledged garden just a few pots.
I’m a grandparent working with a 13 year old grandson with 100% distance learning. In the beginning we (mom and I) sat down and made a plan to keep to a strict schedule for him just as if he was in school, no sleeping in, he would get up and dressed just as if going to school. Scheduled times for class work, breaks, lunch. Reward time when everything was completed. This year we have changed it up a little bit. He did so well last year. This year the first thing we do after I pick him up, we take a long walk or a hike, something for his PE requirement. It not only keeps him active it has helped me tremendously! It also gives us some great bonding time! After that he does his work. A lot of times he is ahead of schedule on his work as many teachers give him the full weeks work on Monday. The coping that has helped us both is absolutely that getting outside! But he is able to chat with friends on his phone and through on line games. I socialize with friends on text and phone calls. It can be very difficult to be so “contained” at home. We have been on a form of lockdown since last March 2020.