Decluttering

Even mention the words “declutter” or “clean-out” in your household, and there’s a good chance your family will give you a death stare that dares you to even think about touching their stuff.  

I get it.  

I would like to say this is something I’ve conquered completely.  That I’m going to give you all the answers to declutter your home while your family excitedly helps. 

However, that would be a lie.  

Getting your family to agree to declutter takes time, practice, persistence, and patience.  Lots and lots of patience.  

It doesn’t usually happen overnight.  There’s a good chance there will be tears involved (from all involved parties), and you may take the blame for getting rid of someone’s favorite ______________ (fill in the blank).  

However, I can tell you this.  Even with the most reluctant parties, you are not forever doomed to a clutter filled home.  There is hope.  

Give your family time to catch on to decluttering 

If you want your family to help you declutter, you have to give them time.  

It stinks to wait and give your family time because chances are, if you are ready to declutter, you want it done yesterday.  

There could be toys strewn about the house, piles of clothes in every room begging to be washed or put away, and the kitchen counters hidden under stacks of papers.  

You will not get your family to help you declutter by simply declaring, “This weekend, we are cleaning out our clutter!”  Oh, if only it were that simple.  

Your sweet family is going to need time, and if they are naturally messy at heart, they may need more time than you want to give them.  

It doesn’t mean it is impossible.  Knowing this is half the battle. 

As you start to declutter your home, start with your stuff first.  

This gives your family time to see how the process works, gives you time to learn how to work through the emotions of clutter, and then, once they see it isn’t so scary, they generally are more willing to jump in and try it.  

Help your family practice decluttering 

When you start to declutter, especially with children or a reluctant spouse, start small and practice often.  

When I say start small, I mean start really, really, really small.  Maybe set a timer and declutter for just 5 minutes.  

With children, your first decluttering sessions may be something as simple as having them find one or two toys to give away to other children in need.  You can even guide them to toys you know without a doubt they do not like, so as to make the decision making easier.  

One mom told me she would hold up two toys, one that she knew was broken, old, or worn out and another perfectly good toy.  She would then ask her child which one to give away.  This process was brilliant, as the decision making became infinitely easier for the reluctant child.  

If you have a reluctant spouse, you may want to do something similar as far as making decisions easy.  Maybe have him grab three shirts from his closet he hates, or grab one or two coffee mugs to which he has no emotional attachment.  

These small, practice decluttering sessions help your family get into the mindset of decluttering, so when bigger sessions come later, they know what is happening.  

They also start to understand that creating order and space in a home isn’t the end of the world.  Decluttering simply takes a little practice.  

Be persistent with your decluttering efforts 

If your family isn’t on the decluttering bandwagon, you will need to be persistent in your efforts.  

No, this doesn’t mean you have to turn into a nagging person, but it does mean you might have to make the same request more than a few times.  

For example, when we first decluttered our dining room table dumping ground, my family was not immediately on board with putting their stuff away after coming home every day.  

We had bad habits of dumping our stuff right there on the table, and unless someone helped them make a conscious effort to put the stuff away, it was going to keep happening day after day.  

Our family started to create routines.  They weren’t comfortable at first. No one wanted to come home from a long day of school and work and then “clean up”.  It felt like torture! 

However, I was persistent with my requests.  With my persistence and a little bit of practice on their part, keeping the clutter cleared became less of a chore and more of a new habit.  

Be patient with your family’s decluttering efforts 

Sometimes, you simply have to shut the door.  

This is a realization I came to after months and months of begging my family to go through their closet, donate a few toys, clear out boxes of old memories, etc.  

For the longest time, even after practicing and showing persistence, it seemed my family could never get fully on board with my decluttering efforts.  I couldn’t understand why.  

Then, a wise friend reminded me that you can simply shut the door on all the messes.  

If my kids’ rooms were a disaster, I could shut the door.  

If my husband’s clothes were left on the floor, I could put them in his closet and shut the door.  

If the garage was ignored for another weekend, I could leave the garage door closed.  

Shutting the door wasn’t my preferred method of practicing patience, but it did buy me time.  It didn’t mean I was giving up, it simply meant my family wasn’t ready.  

I needed to practice patience.

After I decluttered my dresser drawers, it took my husband two years to finally agree to it.  I didn’t ask him to do it.  He simply did it on his own after watching a Marie Kondo video one evening while I was away.  

He saw how happy decluttered dresser drawers made me.  I had to be patient for him to realize he might enjoy the same.  (He also needed to hear it from someone else!)

Practice patience with your family.  They need to see your success before they can even begin to imagine their own.  

Get your family to declutter 

Getting your family to help declutter doesn’t happen overnight (not usually), but it is possible.  They just need a little guidance along the way from a willing participant.  

Be brave enough to show them you can let go of your own excess before asking them to do the same.  You have to be willing to guide them and help them practice letting go.  

You must be persistent with your efforts, not throwing in the towel too soon on new routines and new processes.

Most importantly, you must be patient and give them time to come around.  It will happen.  

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Sentimental clutter is the most emotional clutter we are forced to work through when decluttering our homes. 

We face feelings of guilt, hurt, heart-longing, and floods of memories.  

When you are decluttering the hard stuff, there’s a single question you can ask yourself to help you push through the debate on whether to keep something or let it go. 

Did it serve its purpose?

If you are faced with the difficult decision to keep something or let it go, ask yourself this single question…“Did it serve its purpose?”

It seems overly simplified and maybe it doesn’t apply to every situation, but there’s a good chance it will help you mentally work through letting go of a lot of the sentimental clutter.  

Where to start with sentimental clutter? 

If you are staring at a room full of clutter, with much of it pulling at your heart, it can be overwhelming even knowing where to start.  

My biggest suggestion…. start with the easiest items of the hard stuff.  

Easy, fast wins will give you the confidence and practice to keep moving forward.  

What was its purpose? 

How do you define an items purpose? First, don’t over complicate your answers.  

Maybe the time was a gift that was used for a couple years. 

Or it could be an outfit worn to a special occasion.  

Perhaps it was something that gave you joy at one time, but you almost forgot it existed!

First, determine why an item was purchased or acquired and then if it was used the way it was intended.

If an item has only been owned for a week, it still could have served its purpose.  

For example, my kids got a new stocking from a friend for Christmas.  It was stuffed with lots of little goodies.  We already had Christmas stockings, so the one received had served its purpose as a gift bag.   

There was no reason to continue holding on to it.  It was cute.  It could now serve someone else well.  

Related post: Why is Decluttering So Hard?

Gifts 

When evaluating gifts received for decluttering, you can ask yourself…“Did it serve its purpose?”

Even for gifts you love, many only last us a short period of time. 

Think about your last birthday gift from a year prior.  Do you remember what it was?

Think about your Christmas gifts from five years past.  Can you remember? 

Even if you can remember, do you still use the items? 

Maybe your mom gave you a sweater. You loved it when it was in style, but it now looks used and slightly out of date. It’s OK to let it go, as it served its purpose.

It’s ok to absolutely love a gift received but not keep it forever.  

Did your gift serve its purpose? 

Related post: Minimalist Gifts for Everyone on Your List

Baby items 

Our babies grow way too quickly, and when they do, it can be super easy to hold on to every single precious memory.  

The trick to decluttering baby items is to only save your very favorite pieces and to limit how much you save. 

Your children will grow.  As they grow, they will create more precious memories. 

As you are going through baby items, ask yourself if the item served its purpose.   

Maybe you are holding on to multiple baby outfits.  However, when you think back, your child only wore the super cute one your grandma gave you for one set of photos. 

You have the photos.  The outfit served its purpose.  You are holding on to it because grandma gave it to you or because it was super cute.  Think about the joy it would bring someone else who it could serve well while their baby is still small.  

Look to curate only your absolute favorite items, rather than trying to save it all.  

Here are just a few of the items you can probably let go of when it comes to baby items, as they’ve already served their purpose: 

• Baby outfits 
• Stuffed animals (if there was one that your child gravitated to, it will likely stick with them through toddlerhood too!) 
• Baby toys 
• Baby books 
• Baby carriers 
• Baby furniture 

It was hard to let go of our bassinet after using it steadily two years straight when our girls were born back to back.  It had become a part of our bedroom’s landscape.  It was beautiful.  Surely, it was worth something.  

Here’s the thing though, we bought the bassinet used.  It was sold (at a really good price) to us from another mother who had a similar story to that of our first born.  She was a stranger who sold it to us with love. 

Rather than place the bassinet in our attic to save for our children’s children, we passed it on to another family who would love it as much as we did. 

It felt so good to know the love continued, as the bassinet had already served its purpose. 

Ask yourself as you go through baby items, did the item serve its purpose? 

Children’s toys 

Don’t save your children’s toys for their children.  A lot of people will disagree with this statement.  They will say they loved watching their children play with their old toys and that their kids love those toys.  

Ask yourself, is it really worth storing these items for 20-30 years?

Think of the damage that occurs to the plastic in extreme heat and cold in storage. 

Think of the safety changes to items as the decades pass. (I hated my husband’s 30-year-old Little People.  They were a choking hazard waiting to happen.) 

Shower your future grandchildren with toys they love.  If you must, save a toy or two, but make sure they can withstand the test of time. 

Your children’s toys, when they are outgrown, have served their purpose.  They have been loved, played with, and now, outgrown.  It’s OK to let them go to be experienced by another child who can love them now.  

Did the toy serve its purpose? 

Related post: How to declutter toys with the help of your kids

Items that belonged to a deceased parent or family member 

When evaluating items that belonged to a deceased parent or family member, it can be especially difficult because not only are you having to deal with the difficult emotions associated with decluttering, but you are also working through grief.  

It’s so easy to hold on to items that belonged to our loved ones that are now gone because somehow they seem to represent that person. 

First, when going through a deceased family member’s belongings, make sure to do it when you are ready, if you have that option. 

If time is not a luxury you have, then start with the easier stuff.  Look for items with no story behind them.  Look for items that can easily be gifted, donated, or even sold.  

For items that may hold a deeper meaning for you but they still have no use for your home or how you live, ask yourself if the item served its purpose for your loved one.  If it did, then keep only your favorites, and help the other items move on to serve another purpose for someone else. 

Another suggestion would be to ask other family members if they would like to have any of the sentimental items. That way, some of those items go to someone who also loved the deceased family member.

Did the item in question serve its purpose for your loved one?  

Your own childhood keepsakes

I want to give you full permission to let go of your own childhood keepsakes.  I’m not saying to get rid of all of it, but if your mom saved something for you, and you have no idea why, let it go.  

If you saved something that was uber special when you were eight, but now you don’t know why, let it go.  

It’s sweet our parents tried to save the very best for us.  Treasure that thoughtfulness. 

However, if your parents drop off a whole bunch of containers for you once you have your own home, and you go through them thinking, what is all this, then that’s a signal to let it go. 

Don’t waste your own special space in your home to store things that have no sentimental value and already served their purpose. 

I ran into this when I finally threw away some old trophies from my childhood.  They were incredibly special when I was a child.  They represented years of hard work. 

However, as an adult, these trophies no longer served a purpose.  I had the memories.  I didn’t need the physical representation any longer. 

The trophies served their purpose when I was a child.  As an adult, they only represented clutter that took up space in a room I wanted to use for a play room for my own children.  

Did your own childhood keepsakes already serve their purpose? 

Clothes 

Sometimes we put incredible sentimental value on clothing items.  It could be maternity clothes, a formal gown, t-shirts from our college years, or jeans that represent a younger body before kids.  

When decluttering your clothes, ask yourself, did the item serve its purpose.

That formal gown (that you absolutely rocked) is beautiful.  However, part of you knows that you will likely never wear it again.  Think of the joy it will bring someone else when they rock it at their own event! 

What about the pile of t-shirts from your younger years that represent all your memories from your favorite events, concerts, and places visited? If you can’t bear to part with them, transform them from items that take up tons of storage space into something you will use every day.  

You can easily have t-shirts turned into a quilt.  Don’t worry.  You don’t have to be a seamstress to make this happen.  There are tons of services that will do this for a reasonable fee.  You will get way more joy from a quilt you can put on your bed or guest bed than stored in a container in your closet.  

Did your clothing item serve its purpose? 

Related post: 9 Proven Methods for Decluttering Your Closet (Without Regret)

Limit your storage 

When decluttering sentimental items, it’s best to limit your storage.  Actually give yourself a limit.  Maybe you limit the storage of sentimental items to one container, one box, or one section of a closet.  

By giving yourself a storage limit, you are setting boundaries for the amount of keepsakes you will allow to take up valuable space in your home.  

Commit to using it

For items you keep and have a functional use, commit to trying to use them. 

If the items no longer have a functional use, like old t-shirts, see if you can turn them into something functional.  

For example, we had an old quilt passed down from our parents that was a gift to them.  It sat in storage for over a decade, collecting dust and taking up space.  We would never be able to afford to dry clean it on a regular basis, so I washed it.  I now wash it several times a year.  

This quilt, which sat in our attic for years unused because it was “a special keepsake” is now actually used on our guest bed and brings about far better memories than it did in a keepsake bag hidden away.  

Maybe you kept a pair of earrings that belonged to your grandma.  Wear them!  Don’t save them for the special occasion that so rarely occurs.

If you can commit to using your special memories, rather than allowing them to stay as clutter, they will become all the more special.  

Related Post: Use It or Lose It: A Brilliantly Simple Decluttering Rule

Sentimental clutter can be tough 

Sentimental clutter can be really tough to sort through.  Ask yourself, did the item serve its purpose.  This single question will help you start the path to decluttering all those special memories.  

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Decluttering is hard. In fact, it can be almost painful.

Ask my family, and they might even tell you it’s traumatic. Kidding…well, kind of. 

If you aren’t ready to start decluttering, or maybe your family isn’t ready to start decluttering, then try easing into it slowly. 

Go ahead, stick a big toe in the water.  It might be cold at first, but you’ll warm up to the idea.  Soon enough, you’ll be ready to completely jump in.

Remember… it took you a lifetime to accumulate all the excess.  It’s OK if it takes you a while to get rid of it.

Here are 11 simple tasks to help you ease into decluttering:

If you want to start with decluttering, create a very simple goal for your time. 

1 – Create a very simple goal

It’s so easy to walk into a disastrous room and say, “YES! Today I will clean out this entire room!” 

It’s just as easy to quit after you empty one box or clear one shelf and think, “OMG, what did I get myself into?!”

Start with a very simple goal.  Pick one single area to conquer…over the course of several days or even a week. 

It’s easy to get caught up in a challenge, but sometimes we need to conquer something simple so the harder stuff seems doable. 

2 – Start decluttering in 5-minute increments

It may not seem possible, but you can declutter in five-minute increments.  Will you get an entire room cleaned out using five-minute increments? Nope.  At least not for a bit. 

However, you might clean out a junk drawer…or your socks…or a few excess purses. 

Decluttering doesn’t have to be earth-shattering. 

Declutter for five minutes while you wait on dinner to cook, while your kids bathe, or on every commercial break for your favorite TV show. 

3 – Pick a spot that drives you nuts

When you are just starting out with decluttering, it’s OK to be a little bit selfish in where you start. 

Pick a spot in your home that will give you great satisfaction, and go after it! It doesn’t have to be complicated. 

Maybe start with the pile of shoes by the front door.  Maybe tackle the pile of magazines on the coffee table. 

If you have a dumping ground of items, set a 15-minute timer and chip away at it every day for a week. 

If you start with a spot that drives you nuts, the satisfaction of finishing that area will be so much more pleasurable. 

Side note: It is recommended you start with your stuff.  Nothing starts a fight like starting your decluttering efforts with someone else’s belongings.  Shared spaces are totally game though!

4 – Fill just one bag

My entire decluttering and simple living journey started by filling just one bag full of clothes.  I knew I needed to simplify my life, and filling a single grocery bag with clothes I hated seemed easy enough. 

If you need to start decluttering, go grab a single grocery bag and start with it. 

Look for clothes with tags on them, clothes that are worn out, or clothes that you don’t like.

Fill a bag with five books you will never read, and let the guilt go with them!

Related post: How to Clean Out Your Closet Without Regret

5 – Clear one shelf

Sometimes we approach our clutter with the wrong plan.  If you are staring at a closet or a bookshelf literally overflowing with stuff, start with a single shelf. 

If the shelf is too big or too messy, start with half the shelf. 

If half a shelf is too much, start with a single category of items. 

You don’t have to clear out an entire closet in one afternoon.  You can clear all the summer tops from one shelf in your closet in an hour.  Start small. 

6 – Ignore the hard stuff (for now)

If you are decluttering your home, whatever you do, don’t start with your memorabilia and other sentimental items.  You will fail. 

Save your photographs, special belongings from lost loved ones, and saved childhood items for another day. 

Decluttering takes practice, especially if you are at new at it.  You need to build up those decluttering muscles before you take on the heavy stuff!

Related Post: Help with Sentimental Clutter

7 – Don’t bother involving your family (yet)

If you want to be successful with decluttering, you need to start with your own stuff. 

Yes, your kid’s room may be a disaster.  Yes, your spouse’s stuff may be overtaking your desk. 

No matter how tempting it is to start with other people’s stuff, DO NOT DO IT.  (Sorry, sometimes yelling is necessary.  You’ll thank me later!)

Your family needs to see you letting go of your excess before allowing you to help them let go of their stuff. 

Once you learn how to work through your own emotions related to your own clutter, you will be in a much better spot to help your family when it’s their turn. 

Related Post: How to Declutter When Your Family Hates It

8 – Declutter your bedroom first

If you aren’t sure where to start with your decluttering efforts, start decluttering in your bedroom.

You spend so many hours in your bedroom.  Yes, many of those hours are sleeping.  However, your bedroom is the first view you have in the morning and the last view at night. 

Treat yourself to the calmness of a decluttered bedroom.  While you are at it, make your bed every morning too!

It will set the tone for your whole day and give you a retreat at the end of every night. 

Related Post: 9 Ways Your Bedroom Setup Could Be Ruining Your Sleep

9 – Make it easy

When decluttering, make the effort easy. 

If you have very young kids, declutter their items while they sleep.  (I have no shame.)

If your kids are older, bribe them and allow them to keep the funds from any of their stuff they sell. 

Invite a friend over if it’s really bad or if you need an unbiased opinion. 

Cut corners when making dinner.  Order a pizza every Friday night for your weekly decluttering session. 

Skip a few cleaning tasks that week to declutter instead. 

Whatever you do, make decluttering easy on yourself.  You can’t do it all.  It’s a balance.  Give yourself a little grace. 

Related Post: Get Rid of Kids Toys (With the Help of Your Kids!)

10 – Create a “homework box”

Even if you start with the “easy” stuff, you are going to run into some roadblocks.  When this happens, create and use a “homework box”.

The homework box is where you put things you simply can’t manage to emotionally handle right now.

Your homework box might hold photographs, old papers, baby clothes, old books.  You name it.  There’s no limit to what you can put in the homework box.

However, there is a limit to how many homework boxes you should have.  Create ONE.  That’s all.

If your homework box is full, it’s time to deal with it before moving on.  If you aren’t ready, go declutter an easier area.  (See all the suggestions above.) 

Related post: Why is decluttering so hard?

11 – Reward yourself

So often we set these crazy impossible goals for ourselves, and then, once we accomplish the impossible, we do nothing. 

Don’t do nothing.  If you set a goal to tackle your closet, give yourself a reward when you are done. 

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We don’t always realize it, but there is an invisible cost to clutter.

The cost of clutter lurks in the excessive clothes we stuff into our closets, the super cute seasonal decorations we must have for this year, and the craft supplies we need for that fun project we have in mind.

The cost of clutter is hidden in the book we buy when we have twenty unread books at home, or the free baby items we take from a friend even though we already have a drawer full of cute little PJs.

There is a cost involved with the worn-out dishcloth we save for “cleaning” and in the casserole dish we insist on keeping even though we have five others in our kitchen right now.

There are other costs too, less obvious costs, that impact our day-to-day lives. 

You can’t afford to keep ignoring these expensive costs of clutter.

5 Ways Clutter Costs You:

1. The financial cost of clutter

Financial loss is the most obvious cost of clutter.  If you buy things you don’t need, you are spending unnecessarily. 

Buying things you don’t need can create a domino effect of financial problems:

• The need to buy a bigger home.
• The necessity of renting a storage unit (often a HUGE waste of money!)
• The cost of upkeeping an item.
• The cost of organizing the items we buy.
• The need to buy duplicates for “lost” items.
• The wasting of precious funds in your bank account.

Clutter makes us poorer financially.

Related post: How much is the storage in your home costing you?

2. The emotional cost of clutter

Clutter doesn’t simply cost us money, it also has an emotional expense.  

Have you ever looked at a pair of jeans in your closet and instantly hated yourself for being your current size?

Or maybe you have a box of items given to you by a family member, but the thought of keeping them brings you no joy, only guilt or sadness?

We force ourselves to carry the weight of our clutter when really, there is an easier way of living.

Sometimes, we beat ourselves up over the guilt of spending money on things we never used, or hurting the environment by letting things go.

Emotions when decluttering are hard, but one way to avoid future emotional pain is to let go and avoid unnecessary accumulation of clutter future forward.  You just have to get past the first hump of letting items go!

Clutter makes us emotionally miserable.

Related post: Why is decluttering so hard?

3. The productivity cost of clutter

When your home or workspace is a cluttered mess, it limits what you can do in an efficient and productive way. 

For example, if you are moving around piles of paper clutter, sitting down and taking care of your paperwork becomes and monumental task, one that often gets avoided and possibly causes missed payments. 

A cluttered home may cause you to feel behind on your daily chores, as every room seems daunting, so you simply ignore it all, which ultimately causes you more stress.

If you can’t manage your home in an efficient manner, it may cause you to miss out on time with your family or doing things that make you happy.

Clutter costs us productivity.

Related Post: 12 Tips on How to Keep a Clutter Free Home (Even With Kids!)

4. The health cost of clutter

Visual clutter is often a reflection of how we feel inside.  Clutter can easily trigger feelings of anxiety and stress in a person, making you feel even more miserable.

Even though anxiety, depression and chronic pain can often slow down or even halt the act of decluttering, the clutter staying can actually make those feelings worse!

Stress also impacts our heart health and motivation to do other things that are more heart-healthy.

There is also the loss of self-confidence that comes from holding on to clutter and living in a home that we are not proud of.  When your self-confidence is low, it has a huge impact on the actions you take to make yourself a healthier person.  

Clutter costs us our health.

Related post: 5 Health Benefits of Living With Less

5. Relationship cost of clutter

Clutter can impact your relationships with those inside and outside of your home.

Clutter can cause marital strife over how the house is kept or over financial worries caused from overspending on unnecessary items.

If your home is cluttered and messy, you may be afraid to invite guests over to spend time with you. 

You may fight with your family members about chores and picking items up, when in reality, there’s too little space or no system in place. 

Clutter costs us our relationships with other people.

How to declutter?

OK, so clutter can be expensive, financially and in other ways.  What next? How do you manage to get rid of all the clutter?

Start small.

One of my favorite ways to declutter doesn’t involve getting rid of one single item.  Instead, it’s about developing the habit of keeping clutter from entering into your home! Easy-peasy.

Take a no-shopping challenge.  Commit to using up what you have before going out to buy something new.

Then, start decluttering one small space…a bookshelf, a drawer, a section of your closet.  Don’t go crazy.  Get a few quick decluttering wins first, then move on to the next areas. 

If you want even more coaching through the decluttering process, get on the waitlist for The Tidy Habit, a decluttering course that will help walk you through decluttering your home and keep it that way…forever. 

Get on the waitlist for The Tidy Habit now, and be the first to know when it opens!

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